#the big crush to constantly being annoyed pipeline

[neilsracquet]

andrew minyard really was the definition of liking someone so much that every single thing they do annoys you

[the-foxes-fangs]

If the Ikesen guys were locals:

I keep trying to format this nicely and it will not cooperate with me because Montana is a cryptid place that does not wish to be discussed, but anyway. I live near Yellowstone nat’l park and this is how almost every Ikesen guy would be if they were Montana Guys instead. I would love to start a local AU challenge or what have you.

Nobunaga: Owns at least 100,000 acres of ranchland and several vacation homes, can be seen driving a supercar down a backroad in summer, not like the other super rich in that he does not treat service workers like garbage, but is SUCH a dick to his wealthy neighbors, shovels money at environmental charities and political campaigns despite being a citizen of like, Brunei or something.

Hideyoshi: The ranch foreman of said ranch, keeps everything running while Nobunaga is in New York or LA or wherever people with money go in winter. Used to be a rodeo cowboy, tan and sweet as honey horses and women love him, well liked until there’s a property line issue with the neighbors and then god help you and your out of state lawyers.

Ieyasu: Local doctor, annoyed by tourists in summer, annoyed by snow in winter, annoyed by locals year round, will fucking punch anyone who asks why he lives in Montana, has absolutely nursed multiple fawns, has that Brad Pitt in a River Runs Through It thing going on with his ability to make fly fishing look both elegant and sexy, but will hit you in the face with a trout.

Mitsunari: The Local ™️ reliable worker yet has worked everywhere, knows and is loved by all, tourists and vacation home owners underestimate him until they realize that only he can solve The Moose Issue. He is constantly late because he stopped to help someone with something, and has no idea why most of these people are women. Volunteers at the shelter because pet adoptions skyrocket on days he’s there.

Masamune: Fishing and hunting guide, town bicycle, puts you on the rug in rugged, breaks 12 hearts per summer but they aren’t even mad because the sex was great and breakfast was even better, has in fact jumped off a cliff into a lake and does ride a horse that fast. Insta full of breathtaking postcard backcountry pictures but the followers are there for the shirtless snaps and the one with the baby mountain lion.

Mitsuhide: Does anyone know where he came from? No. Does anyone know what he does for a living? Also no. Real estate? It’s probably real estate. Can be found at the bar, knows everything about everyone at all times, has gotten at least one city councilman recalled and destroyed the life of a sherriff’s deputy, will stop and help you when you hit a deer but will make you feel like a fool about it, nobody has slept with him yet everyone knows someone who knows someone who has.

Shingen: The Aging Celebrity, possibly a novelist, natural enemy of Nobunaga, used to come here in the 90s before it got so big, definitely drank with Steve McQueen at some point, parties with some of the vacation home people, but annoys them with his Hollywood hippy opinions, heartthrob in a 30 year old Land Rover who probably winters in Palm Springs. Is the only person Kenshin will tolerate unannounced visits from besides Sasuke.

Yukimura: The hot park ranger, Shingen’s nephew, into the forest service because he sure as shit wasn’t going to become a lawyer or something, all summer is just yelling JESUS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PET THAT DO NOT PET THAT, NO STAY ON THE DESIGNATED WALKWAYS THAT IS A LITERAL BOILING SPRING COMING FROM THE EARTH, oblivious to his own hotness, makes that fucking ranger hat look good, has in fact cuddled a baby wolf.

Sasuke: The Forestry Science Guy, trying to get funding for a study on mycchorizal relationships between lodgepole pines from Kenshin, can survive in the wilderness forever despite looking like he belongs in Palo Alto, somehow collects vital wildlife data in between the other 743 things he’s constantly doing, alerts Yukimura to the ridiculous shit that tourists are doing at all times, has a massive crush on his research partner and would punch a bear for her.

Kenshin: The Third Kind of Wealthy, probably a european heir, has land but only keeps several impractical horses, stays during the winter sometimes, is notoriously difficult to deal with but also wildly generous in unpredictable ways, either huge parties with no fewer than 15 cases of very expensive wine and a pony keg or get the fuck off his property there is no in between, considers Nobunaga appallingly nouveau riche and probably lost his girlfriend in a tragic skiing accident that he is still not over but broods at the mountains about it in a beautiful way. Yard full of bunnies.

Kennyo: Unitarian universalist minister, was a member of Earth First! at some point and absolutely sabotaged logging equipment, got that scar from some asshole cop at when he chained himself to a pipeline that was under construction, drives a beat up Subaru with ‘last best place’ and 'do no harm but take no shit’ stickers on it, in a bitter feud with Nobunaga over soil conservation, will give you the shirt off his back but considers himself a sell out, fostering wounded animals 24/7

Yoshimoto: Gallery owner, sponsors the local theater troupe and supports the ballet and opera because this backwater will have culture, dammit. Bitter enemy of Ieyasu after once calling him a philistine at one of Kenshin’s parties, has had sex on a giant canvas covered in acrylic paint at least once, tried to host a poetry open mic until Hideyoshi showed up with cowboy poetry about sweaty horses and he had to drink no fewer than three gin rickeys to recover his composure. Rumored but not confirmed to rival Masamune for title of legendary town hoe.